Divine entertainment?

For the past three weeks I went from optimistic to almost depressed shit. What started as a meaningful, mystic, and beautiful dance is now turning into misery for most of my documentary production team. I guess everyone wasn't entirely sure of what's going on. Or I guessed my expectations were weird at best and impossible most of the times.

Did I went too far that nobody understands the point? Or is that everyone treats this as a homework which at best deserves only as much time as time to spend on other homework?

What do I think?

Let me tell you that I don't go well with the masses and all that 'acceptable to everyone' shit. I do what my senses tell me to do and I take a hell of my time doing it. But obviously in the real world this idea could hold true to few people. So what if I'm not Stanley Kubrick or Ridley Scott? So what if I don't get paid a few thousand bucks a day? So what if this is only a school project? Don't everything we do in life deserves professionalism?

When I dig a something, I will dig deep, very deep. That's what's happening then and now. I question things not based on how much time we have or how many marks I'm gonna lose over a dateline. I question the quality! How much research did we have? Do we even know that documentary filmmaking has a history so deep that we need to understand it before we embrace it? Its not just taking a camera out and shoot a lot of talking heads and try to piece it up during creative editing. Heck, I don't even believe in creative editing. Yes, we did it before a number of times in the past. But that wasn't creative editing; that's trying to tie up a load of things that doesn't make sense. How deep did we dig?

I'd take my time to build up credibility so I may be at rest with myself and all my ghosts. No joke, I have a lot of ghosts. My time in university is already shitty. The university seemingly wants to make money out of exams. I don't believe in that crap! I believe in the nurture of creativity. I don't believe in four-flats. That's what the society of Blurland believes in. Not me. I spend 48 grands and three years of my damned life to gain knowledge. I don't get all of that. The only thing I see is people around me getting miserable, detached, selfish, unfriendly, doubtful, blur, hurt, angry, depressed, suspicious, frustrated, and whatever feelings you can think of. The only thing that people doesn't see is creativity. They only see that decrease or increase in examination points at the end of the semester. Shitty eh?

We are filmmakers, broadcasters, mass liars, whatever we want to be when we work in media. We are not gonna publish our four-point-oh or two-point-oh exam certs to the public. We tell the public what we think is important to them or at least what they wanted to know that conforms to their self assurance, and I'd go as far as making them feel uneasy and stupid. Thats what we're suppose to become. What the hell do you think we should tell the audiences? Our self pity problems or our degree certs?

I salute those of my friends who wants to go further with this, going elsewhere to study media, be it Chicago or Shanghai or anywhere else other than here. Go for it! If I can put down my fucking age factor I'd follow suit too. In fact I was thinking of doing this with The Girlfriend. In the other hand, I also admire those who found their calling not in the field of  their study. I don't really like insurance agents and network marketers, but they showed me time and time again that their purpose produces results; at least they are happier.

I'm writing all this shit in Starbucks Jaya One. I have a view overlooking the main entrance and into the beautiful modern surrounding shop blocks and a hint of the blue sunny sky. It provides me escapism from the shit that is my university block, Section 17, and the crappy SS2. At least by looking at that blue sky, I imagine myself in different place; maybe close to a beach or somewhere un-Malaysian. The jazz music in the background lets me focus on what I'm doing, because I don't understand jazz that well. I see surrounding people walking freely, like its a couple hundred square feet of utopia. That's why I don't mind expensive beverages. Besides, its good coffee. That's what I like.

Okay, I'm getting back to where I left to write this shit. If you are reading this, peace and cheers! I'm a dreamer of good things and smiley faces, that's what I hope everyone would be. Find something worth your heart to ease that pain, and get on with it. The world needs you, not yourself.